Date: Thu, 31 Aug 2000 14:46:05 -0800 From: "Alan" <alannopsamrchmedia.com> Subject: Re: 2000 Viggen
> > 1) Ride height. It's obvious that the Viggen sits too high. > The best (and cheapest) way for you to fix this is to > cut a couple of coils out of your springs. You can also > clamp a few on the coils shut. A good guideline for this is > that you should not be able to see the top edge of the tire > when the car is at rest. You have got to be kidding! You can't cut/clamp the springs! You have to replace them with a hydraulic suspension system. This way you can lift, tilt and bounce the Viggen in various attention getting ways. > > 2) Lights and excitment. You will need to pick up some "Blue Flame" > bulbs at the local NAPA. It says they are not legal for road use, > but they only put that on there to keep dorks from buying them. > Open your hood and remove your exising bulbs. Replace with the > "Blue Flames". Don't use "Blue Flames" bulbs, way overused. Replace the the plain Viggen headlight system with a custom pop-up head light unit, preferably from an older TransAm. Replace all you red and orange indicator/brake lenses with dark tinted "smoked" units. The added night effects, install neon light strips under the car. > You will also want to put a neon license plate front and rear. > Normally, this would put a strain on your electrical system. > Luckily for you, the Viggen is chock full of unnecessary > "knock sensors" and "trionics" that you can disconnect, freeing > up power for the neon and your stereo (see below). Neon license plate frames are cool. But don't forget to replace you shifter knob with a neon one. > > 3) Wheels. How could such a cool car come with such gay wheels. You'll > want to take them off and replace with Boyd's Billet Custom wheels. > There is a spacer available that will let you use the same wheels > as a Chevy IROC-Z. Boyd's Billet wheels will look horrible on the delicate lines of the Viggen! Get a set of classy Dayton 13" gold plated wire rims, white walls on an 8" offset. Install chromed fender guards and naked trucker mud flap chicks. > 4) Stereo. Everyone knows that Saab radios are fruity and only > really work when they are tuned to NPR. You can't afford an > embarrassment like that when you're jammin' at the local strip. > Nor will traditional "boom tubes" fit. Luckily for you, there's > an answer. Under the hood of your Viggen, under the plastic cover, > you will see a variety of tuned induction and other tubes. > Pull the ones that connect to the engine off and install a set > of long-travel cone speakers at their ends. You can use acoustic > tile cones to account for the difference in diameter. Now your > entire car will be boomin'. You may notice that it is more difficult > to start the car in the mornings - that's because Saabs are not > particularly reliable. Don't go to your dealer, he doesn't know > what the hell he's doing. I agree with you here. Saab radios suck. Pull it out completely. Also, pull out the back seat, you're gonna need space for lots of subwoofers. Install at least 10 subwoofers, each with it's own amp. Fill the trunk with all the stereo electronics and put neon lights in there too. People really appreciate the sound of a very loud stereo system. > > 5) Accessories. JC Whitney makes a kit that relocates the annoying > console-mounted key to the dashboard and gives you a full-sized > cupholder where the key used to be. You'll need that. > Also of interest would be a nice pinstripe or two down the barren > flanks of the Viggen. > If you have sufficient patience, it is possible for you to airbrush > your name on the back plastic window. Put your name on the left side, > and your baby's momma's name on the right. Don't reverse this, it would > mean that you are a pansy, unless you are in England, in which case > it's mandatory. > Gold-plated Saab insignia add to the classiness of the car. There > is also a chromed panel which goes between your door molding and > the bottom molding. It's available with big VIGGEN letters, and also > with "PLAYER". > Oh yeah, gold-plate the grille, too. I'd suggest striping the plain paint altogether. Use a metal fleck paint, gold and green. Add two large strips front to rear. Cover the windows in various logos and most importantly, at the top of the windshield have a custom decal made that says something akin to "Extreme Saab." Gold plate all metal bits and have the engine polished and chromed. The exhaust tip should be a really wide and gold plated as well. The most important accessory is the spoiler of course. Bigger the better.
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