[Subscribe to Daily Digest] |
 | [Main General Bulletin Board | BBFAQ |
Prev by Date | Post Followup ]
Member Login / Signup - Members see fewer ads. - Latest Member Gallery Photos
I see - I see the future! Posted by Ari [Email]  (#2847) [Profile/Gallery]
(more from Ari) on Thu, 10 May 2001 16:12:38
In Reply to: What's coming from Saab - 1 more time, John A, Wed, 9 May 2001 19:08:56 Members do not see ads below this line. - Help Keep This Site Online - Signup |
In line with the consolidation of car makers, the following will happen:
Saab will be bought by a group of Indonesian investors who will then buy the ailing Mazda brand from Ford for $1 and the island of Sumatra. They will then acquire both Lexus and Infinity, spun off from their failing parent companies.
The resultant Saab Lexus Infinity Mazda Enterprises (SLIME) will consolidate to exactly one platform. This platform will be front-wheel, rear-wheel, and all-wheel drive capable, with the option of tank treads and hydrofoils. Wheelbase changes will be accomodated by simply adding spacer bars in the middle of the chassis.
Body panels will be carbon-fiber composites made entirely from coconut husks and automotive press releases, therefore being an entirely renewable resource that can be recycled immediately into manure without the need for an animal.
Engines offered will be a three-cylinder 1.0l Sterling cycle, a 4 cylinder, DOHC steam powerplant displacing 3l, and the jewel of the line, the 9 cylinder (two banks of 4 and one offset), twin-turbocharged, triple-supercharged, direct-injection, electrical valve actuated, variable displacement diesel cycle multi-fuel engine with nuclear fuel vaporization and three choices of valve cover paint. The engine will displace between 2.5 and 16 liters, and will be made from unobtainium. It will handle the electric car requirements of California by burning batteries in a Carter carburetor, providing 67 miles/D (D cell), and producing nothing in the way of emissions except the slightest hint of lavender.
In terms of safety, the car will have a pyrotechnic active rollcage and no less than 53 airbags, including two in the engine compartment and three in the trunk. Interior conveniences include individual heat/cool/massage zones for every passenger and the luggage, 16-way heated/cooled seats covered in unborn-lamb skin, and direct connection to the internet via your own personal satellite. The car will lead the industry in cup holders, with no less than 1,253, including two in the engine compartment and three in the trunk. The tires will have the latest run-flat technology, being solid aluminum alloy with a replaceable tread and auto-extending studs when the Ice Detect system engages.
In addition to ABS, anti-slip, anti-skid, anti-yaw, and anti-communist systems, the Advanced Dynamic Safety Control will prevent the driver from ever doing anything remotely dangerous. With the help of the Direct Satellite Navigation system and information downloaded constantly from the Census bureau and the FBI center on crime statistics, the car will automatically steer around any neighborhood deemed unsafe.
Of course, the car will sell for less than $20,000, and come with a lifetime no-limit warrantee. Sven Carlson will use it to win the first Dakar to the Moon rally.
Of course, I could be wrong.
, Thu, 10 May 2001 16:12:38 <-- Viewing This Message
, Thu, 10 May 2001 19:25:53, Thu, 10 May 2001 00:04:41, Thu, 10 May 2001 08:33:18
, Wed, 9 May 2001 23:21:38
No Site Registration is Required to Post - Site Membership is optional (Member Features List), but helps to keep the site online
for all Saabers. If the site helps you, please consider helping the site by becoming a member.
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
