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Re: The full CL post
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Posted by Brian (more from Brian) on Sat, 30 Mar 2013 05:46:59 Share Post by Email
In Reply to: Most Pretentious Ad for Saab Ever on CL, Scott Paterson [Profile/Gallery] , Fri, 29 Mar 2013 12:09:12
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Enjoyed reading this.

UPDATE: Car is SOLD, friends. Will leave the ad up for Buzzfeed and Reddit posterity, though. Appreciate, truly, all of the warm thoughts and interest. It warms the very cockles of one's heart to know such a strong, authentic community of Saab enthusiasts still thrives in this country.

---

For your consideration, a 1991 Saab 900, the crown jewel of Saab's automotive legacy (which, arguably, could also be considered the zenith of Swedish Automaking). From the wraparound windshield down to the weird way they put the engine in, everything about this car conveys a Nordic sensibility, but tempered with that hyper-literate, Baumbach-ian "filet of the neighborhood" vibe.

This 900 is what the Swedes cheekily refer to as a "3-door" (which is just much more charming than the American "hatchback", wouldn't you agree?) The car seats 5 easily. The rear seat folds flat, transforming the already spacious rear cargo area into a cavernous space that can easily fit several fixed gear bicycles, or that Paul McCobb credenza you picked up at the Brimfield. When not lugging mid-century furniture, a handy carpeted back deck keeps the contents hidden from nosy tourists. The interior of the car is overall very wabi-sabi: The dash is cracked, but authentically so. The headliner has been pinned up by a previous owner using pearl-tipped sewing pins, which lends an artisanal, craftwave vibe to the experience.

Although surprisingly spry, this particular 900 is not an "S" nor is it a "Turbo", though included with your purchase is an original rubber Saab spoiler to give it more of that sporting vibe if you feel that better resonates with your personal brand/identity. We removed it because we prefer the authenticity of the original model, honestly, but to each his own.

The car has an automatic transmission, which is nice for longer trips up to the Catskills or out to Montauk, as well as in traffic on your way out of the city to get some perspective. The tires, mounted to practical steel wheels, have miles of adventure left on them. Gas mileage is reasonable for a car built before we really worried about such things, really.

We have made a series of repairs to the car during the tenure of our ownership, including (but not limited to):

A new exhaust system.
A new steering rack.
A new set of rod ends.
A new ABS Accumulator.
A new set of front axles.
A new Harmonic Balancer.
A new Bosch battery.
Some new dash lights.
A set of new, really excellent headlights.
A new set of rear speakers.

Nearly all of this work was done at a garage called, cross our hearts, "Swedish Underground" in Brooklyn. Our mechanic is a fellow named Roland, who is considered one of the best in the country (and yet is really chill about the whole thing, actually). He is intimately familiar with this vehicle and you will be in good hands when repairs arise*.

* A note on the subject of maintenance: It is critically important that you understand this is a vintage auto made by Northern Europeans who had a particular vision for what a car should be. While this will inevitably lead to some frustrations on your end when troubles arise, it's important to keep a solid perspective that these minor issues are part of the entire Saab owning "experience". Of course, if you're not interested or not willing to take part in such a relationship, there are some solid Toyota dealerships in Paramus we could recommend.

To that end, we will also provide this handsome Bentley repair manual for your reference. Even if you're not "toolsy", we've found it to be a great conversation starter when we leave it out on the coffee table.

Also included in the purchase price of this automobile is a printed copy of the Kurt Vonnegut short story Have I Got A Car for You!, which details Mr. Vonnegut's love/hate relationship with the quirky Saab from his days selling them on Cape Cod (Did you know K.V. sold Saabs? No? No? Well imagine the look on your friend's faces when you tell them while driving them to a show in your Saab).

The story will be tucked into the back of a copy of Vonnegut's novel Cat's Cradle, also included in the 900's glovebox (By the way, the lightbulb inside the glovebox is this insanely beautiful shade of green - really magnificent. We recommend leaving the glovebox open if you're sitting parked somewhere, listening to a mixtape.)

Speaking of music, the original AM/FM radio has been replaced by a gauche but functional JVC CD player. While the design of the head unit might not reach the etherial level you experience throughout the rest of the car, we can assure you the unit is superior technologically. In addition to playing CDs, and despite a fairly weathered antenna, it also pulls in a variety of radio stations like NPR and Columbia University's WKCR (which has that killer Raga show on Sunday nights). There's also an AUX input for hooking up an iPhone and playing all of your 7" vinyl rips.

(Additionally included in the purchase price: 3 CD copies of early 90's albums for creating a period-appropriate road-trip atmosphere. They include Pearl Jam's Ten, R.E.M.'s reckoning, and A Tribe Called Quest's Low End Theory. While these may not alight perfectly with your personal brand/musical affiliations, one cannot deny that they remain high points for the particular era. You will also find them in the glove box.)

There are also cup holders: 2 to be exact, which is reasonable and not overkill in a mainstream "refreshment culture" way. They work well if you remove the ashtray first. Again, delightfully quirky! (Removing the ashtray also increases the amount of that chill green light we mentioned above.)

W/R/T smoking, this car has never been smoked in, though if you're the type to smoke a pipe, it would probably really knock the interior atmosphere out of the park.

The asking price for the entire Saab "lifestyle" package is $2000. While we do not haggle as a matter of course, we've built in a bit of flexibility here in case negotiating is a critical element of your used-car buying experience (we draw the line at saying "what do we have to do to get you in this car?" - we have our dignity*).


*One could reasonably ask at this point: "Well, if you hold this particular automobile/manufacturer/design object in such high esteem, why would you ever consider selling it, to a stranger no less?" This is a fair point, and believe us when we say we've lost a fair amount of sleep over this. The easiest way to explain our state of thinking is that our personal brands have moved on from this situation. We love the Saab, we will always love the Saab - we want it to be 'happy' in an abstract, pseudo-anthropomorphic way.

But sometimes, you just like, need a new direction.

†To those who would attempt to scam us out of this car with promises or riches, please understand that we grew up on the Internet and consider ourselves pretty damn savvy, truth be told. To that end, please put VONNEGUT in your subject line of your interest is sincere. Namasté.

posted by 99.6.110...


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