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As a cat and dog guy I thought this was good for a laugh. I hope its appropriate for this BB, if not I know I'll hear about it
Cheers, Mike
> How to give a cat a pill.....
>
> 1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your
> left arm as if holding a
> baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either
> side of cat's mouth and
> gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill
> in right hand. As cat
> opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close
> mouth and swallow.
>
> 2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind
> sofa.Cradle cat in left arm
> and repeat process.
>
> 3. Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw soggy pill
> away.
>
> 4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left
> arm holding rear paws
> tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push
> pill to back of mouth with
> right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for count of ten.
>
> 5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top
> of wardrobe. Call spouse
> from garden.
>
> 6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between
> knees, hold front and rear
> paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse
> to hold head firmly with
> one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop
> pill down ruler and rub
> cat's throat vigorously
>
> 7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill
> from foil wrap. Make
> note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully
> sweep shattered
> figurines and vases from the hearth and set to one
> side for gluing later.
>
> 8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on
> cat with head just
> visible below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking
> straw, force mouth open
> with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
>
> 9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to
> humans, drink 1 beer to take
> taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and
> remove blood from carpet
> with cold water and soap.
>
> 10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another
> pill. Open another beer.
> Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to
> leave head showing. Force
> mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down
> throat with elastic band.
>
> 11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard
> door back on hinges. Drink
> beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink.
> Apply cold compress to cheek
> and check records for date of last tetanus jab.
> Apply whiskey compress to
> cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw
> T-shirt away and fetch new
> one from bedroom.
>
> 12. Call fire brigade to retrieve the f*****g cat
> from tree across the road.
> Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while
> swerving to avoid cat.
> Take last pill from foil wrap.
>
> 13. Tie the little bastard's front paws to rear
> paws with garden twine and
> bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty
> pruning gloves from
> shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece
> of fillet steak. Be rough
> about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of
> water down throat to wash
> pill down.
>
> 14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to
> drive you to the ER, sit
> quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm
> and removes pill remnant
> from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to
> order new table.
>
> 15. Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell
> and call local pet shop
> to see if they have any hamsters.
>
> How to Give a Dog a Pill
> 1. Wrap it in bacon.
, Thu, 4 Jan 2001 11:30:51
, Wed, 3 Jan 2001 22:38:57
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