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4 years last month. Posted by Johnson [Email]  (#3237) [Profile/Gallery]
(more from Johnson) on Thu, 9 Aug 2012 18:04:38
In Reply to: Any married saabers out there?, Siegfried, Fri, 20 Jul 2012 07:31:37 Members do not see ads below this line. - Help Keep This Site Online - Signup |
Yes, It is worth it... IF you're willing to work at it. Every day is compromise and give and take. A very hard lesson for me to learn was learning how to sacrifice for my family, and to give up selfish behaviors. I got married around the same time as several of my other friends. I am one of the few still actually married...
Few suggestions:
1) know the person you are marrying, not your image you've build in their mind. but who they actually are. Do things together that isn't always fun, like a service project, or yard work, or even laundry. Also, what kind of relationship do they have with their family? Because that's the relationship they will have with you.
2) figure out how you're going to handle money, religion, child raising etc Before you get married... One of my friends married a girl who AFTER the wedding decided she didn't want to have children. ever. Not that she couldn't, she just didn't want to. They are no longer married.
3) take as little baggage with you to your marriage. I recommend getting out of debt. When I got married, I had a lot of debt. Lots and lots of it.... It has taken 4 years to slowly climb out of MOST of it. and that has been our biggest source of stress and contention between us. Money fights The same goes for family drama, EX's etc. Get rid of as much of it as possible. marriage its self is hard enough as it is.
4) Outside family influence can be rough... a lot of my wife's family is a mess, and my mother is a bit over protective of her children. Be willing to set boundaries with them, and to be able to put up with them at the holidays.. extended family can be your greatest asset when you are married, but also a huge burden.
5) Communication is key. Talk talk talk talk talk talk, and have a point to what you are talking about. As a man, I hate talking, and my wife doesn't stop sometimes, mostly about things that don't really matter. I also have worked crazy hours since before we were even dating, so we don't always see each other during the day. So what we do is write letters to each other. That way we can communicate without being interrupted by kids/tv/phones/work etc. And we can formulate our thoughts. It Really helps when we are stressed out, or angry about something. That way we can take the time to clearly express ourselves with out putting the other on the defensive. It has helped us keep from having big meaningless fights.
Sorry for my long post. But Marriage is not a simple thing... There is so much that goes into it. I grew up with a friend who is of a religion that still does arranged marriages. and at the age of 23, she was married to her husband that she met for the first time on the day of their wedding. She and her husband are very happy. Not because "they were made for each other" or that they were "the one." its because they both came into the marriage on equal ground, with similar expectations, and they both knew that they were going to have to work hard to have a successful marriage.I know that when my wife and I work together, that we're much happier than we ever were single
My father says that there is nothing better than being happily married. But there is nothing worse than being miserably married, and its better to be miserably single.
I would also suggest seeing a marriage counselor before you get married. Just because they can talk to you about things you have never thought about talking about with your fiancée.
posted by 64.213.82...
, Thu, 9 Aug 2012 18:04:38 <-- Viewing This Message
, Fri, 27 Jul 2012 01:28:05, Sun, 22 Jul 2012 06:31:07
, Fri, 20 Jul 2012 17:24:37
, Fri, 20 Jul 2012 15:27:40
, Fri, 20 Jul 2012 07:38:57
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