I don't know how old you and your loved one are, but it sounds like early/mid twenties, right? This is the time of your life where people grow and change more than they will for the rest of their lives. It's possible that in her mind, the two of you have "grown apart." Perhaps she has becomed more settled in her thinking about life, or she is feeling the need to do more dating, or she realizes that she's not too sure about much of anything in life. Recognizing that her feelings in this area sets up a situation that sucks for you, this is still a good occurance in the grand scheme of things. Here's why.

If the two of you are meant to be together, it will happen in its own time. You of course, need to not do anything to damage the friendship the two of you have developed over the years. But perhaps some time apart will make her realize that she's had it pretty good already and what she really wants is right under her nose. I hope for your sake, this is the ultimate outcome.

But, if it's not meant to be, you are far better off finding out now, even though I know it's a painful experience for you. What keeps people together over the years, more than anything else, is the ability to grow together - to continue to reinvent your relationship to reflect the changes that life brings your way. You are not going to be quite the same person in 10 years that you are now, and neither will she. Your individual life experiences will make each of you look at things in new ways.

My first wife was a wonderful woman. We married when we were both in our early twenties. We thought we had all the tools for a lifetime of happiness. 10 years later, we barely recognized each other. It took us that amount of time to truly discover ourselves and in that process, we realized that we really weren't quite right for each other.

I truly hope that you and her can get back together, but if not, please take some solace that perhaps greater happiness still awaits you. You seem like a good, decent human being. I wish you all the best.

Regards,
Dan

posted by 12.81.212...

• OT: PLEASE HELP!!!, Redmilk, Thu, 28 Nov 2002 14:06:19
  • An update, Redmilk, Sat, 30 Nov 2002 01:25:21
  • Are you kidding? (Tough love on the way ...), j-ro, Fri, 29 Nov 2002 14:33:56
    • Saab = Chick Magnet, FrozenSaab, Fri, 29 Nov 2002 15:23:06
  • 'Talking things out here on the BB is one way of>, Traffic Shark , Fri, 29 Nov 2002 12:24:30
  • Re: OT: PLEASE HELP!!!, Chad, Fri, 29 Nov 2002 11:11:01
  • Don't play games and don't use psycology...., Richard P., Fri, 29 Nov 2002 10:05:00
    • Re: Don't play games and don't use psycology...., Tio Barry, Fri, 29 Nov 2002 10:49:54
      • Re: Don't play games and don't use psycology...., KsKid, Fri, 29 Nov 2002 12:57:26
  • Here be the solution, Sir Mix-a-lot, Fri, 29 Nov 2002 10:01:25
  • Something to consider, Daanimal900, Fri, 29 Nov 2002 03:21:57 <-- Viewing This Message
    • Similar to Daanimal900, Terry G-B, Fri, 29 Nov 2002 11:21:03
      • You reminded me of something..., Daanimal900, Fri, 29 Nov 2002 23:35:20
  • It hurts me a bit to read this . . ., MJP, Thu, 28 Nov 2002 23:50:08
    • I know a guy who went through the same thing ..., J, Thu, 28 Nov 2002 23:58:55
  • Re: OT: PLEASE HELP!!!, Erik, Thu, 28 Nov 2002 19:25:44
  • General Theme..., FrozenSaab, Thu, 28 Nov 2002 16:46:39
  • Its your call man..., bRAD, Thu, 28 Nov 2002 16:44:00
    • I'll tell you something bRAD,..., StanleyB, Thu, 28 Nov 2002 16:57:36
      • it was a joke, MJP, Thu, 28 Nov 2002 23:54:01
  • Keep them coming, this helps. thanks. nm, Redmilk, Thu, 28 Nov 2002 16:07:03
  • Yes, I agree that the reach and withdraw that you talk, KB88900T, Thu, 28 Nov 2002 15:54:35
    • Thank you KB nm, Redmilk, Thu, 28 Nov 2002 16:05:52
  • Female point of view encouraged too! nm, redmilk, Thu, 28 Nov 2002 15:15:58
  • Been there, done it...> (long), StanleyB, Thu, 28 Nov 2002 14:44:39
    • StanleyB makes a good point..., FrozenSaab, Thu, 28 Nov 2002 14:51:20
  • Re: OT: PLEASE HELP!!!, FrozenSaab, Thu, 28 Nov 2002 14:33:28
  • My advise ..., J, Thu, 28 Nov 2002 14:31:48
    • DOH! ... It should say "My advice" or "I advise". n/m, J, Thu, 28 Nov 2002 14:32:40
      • Thank you stanley, frozen, J. nm, redmilk, Thu, 28 Nov 2002 16:06:30

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